That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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