i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
