dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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