are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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