i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
