Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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