Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
