Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
