What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
