Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize