He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
