my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just high enough for therapy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
