I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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