Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize