Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
