My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
