Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How does it feel to date your dad?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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