I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
