With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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