If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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