Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My ATM looks so different sober.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
