I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
