Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
