just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
