We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
