I'm so fucking centered right now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
