walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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