I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
