I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you inspire me to be a worse person
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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