Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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