Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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