we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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