shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize