did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
