Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
