Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
