Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
