i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
