He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize