I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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