I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
