dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize