i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
