hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize