Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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