mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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