With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
