Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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