I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
