New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
