I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
