Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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