no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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