Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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