Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
