do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
