hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
