Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Alive.
So much puke
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
