I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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