Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
