Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
