Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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