Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
