I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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