I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
