so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
