Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
