dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
