I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
