I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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