He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
