I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
