He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
