But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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